相思成灾

我完全记不清自己看了多少遍了,总之就是很多很多很多遍,特别是下雨天.
这台词经典的 不整理下来我都觉得对不起这片子

James: Almost noon.
Jacks: I'm afraid you've got to go.
James: Excuse me?
Jacks: You've got to go. I have friends coming over for brunch.
James: What? In my apartment?
Jacks: Sorry.
James: 3 years and you still treat me like a one-night stand!

Jacks: You're never going to find anyone with that attitude.
Peter: What attitude? I'm just being realistic.
Jacks: If you're realistic, then I'm the Queen of England.
Peter: Hey! I'm the Queen of England!
Jacks: Hello, your Majesty!

Peter: He's in love with you, Jacks. You're not in love with him. It doesn't get more simple than that.
Jacks: That's not fair! I happen to care about James. A lot. And I hate the fact that he feels more than me. And I hate the fact that I'm not in love with him. Because I know I should be. Because he's smart and sweet and decent and I don't want to hurt him. So I keep hoping that I'll grow into it. That maybe one day I'll wake up and I'll feel...
Peter: What?
Jacks: In love! You know, dizzy and feverish and nauseous...
Peter: That's not love, Jacks. That's the flu.

Peter: Talullah! What's wrong?
Taulullah: Freedom's having an affair.
Peter: An affair? You've only been going out for 2 weeks!
Taulullah:Who's he having an affair with?
Peter: Me, I just found out he's married.

Klaus: So, you're Felicity's daughter?
Taulullah: Only by birth. So don't hold it against me.
Wentworth: Donatella! Excuse me.
Taulullah: Whoever designed those heels must really hate women.
Klaus: I designed those heels.
Taulullah: And thank goodness you did! Otherwise Mother's arse would be dusting the floor.

Taulluah: Oh, Peter, I feel so bad.
Peter: Come on, drink this.
Taulluah: No, I mean about you. Not getting to meet Robbie Williams(David Williams) because of me.
Peter: It's OK.

Peter: Have you ever thought this whole 'true love' thing might be a conspiracy?
Jacks: A conspiracy?
Peter: Yeah, a capitalist conspiracy. A lie concocted by the Film, Publishing and Music industries. All pushing this thing, this concept that doesn't even exist!
Jacks: True love doesn't exist?
Peter: Well, think about it. Where is it besides songs, books and films? I mean, who can honestly say 'I will always love you? '
Jacks: Whitney Houston?
Peter: Yeah, when she's high on crack. The point is, Everyone's miserable because they're looking for this nonexistent 'thing' or else they're miserable because they think they've settled for less.
Jacks: I'm not miserable. And I believe in true love.
Peter: Yeah, which is why you're still sleeping with your ex-boyfriend.

Shrink: And how long did that last?
Peter: What?
Shrink: The relationship in your head.
Peter: No. I mean, it's an ongoing problem. They only last in my head. For varying amounts of time.
Shrink: So you have a problem with monogamy?
Peter: No, no that. No, that's not my problem.
Shrink: Denial is not a river in Egypt! Not a river in Egypt. D'you see what I did there? Just that's a little therapist joke. Doesn't always work. OK, right. Paul?
Peter: Peter.
Shrink: Sorry?
Peter: Peter.
Shrink: Peter. Peter. Yes, it is. You're absolutely right. Peter. That's a good start. Well done you! I think I can help you.
Peter: You do?
Shrink: I do. I think you are stuck in that pre relationship moment of infatuation and you need to be reminded that a real relationship has many, many, many more stages.
Peter: Stages. I like that.
Shrink: Relationships are best measured by farting.
Peter: Excuse me?
Shrink:The stages of a relationship can be defined by farting. Stage 1 is the conspiracy of silence. This is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste. This illusion is very quickly shattered by that first shy 'ooh did you fart? ' followed by the sheepish admission of truth. This heralds a period of deeper intimacy. A period I like to call the 'fart honeymoon'. Where both parties find each other's gas just the cutest thing in the world. But of course no honeymoon can last forever. And so we reach the critical fork in the fart. Either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass, thereby signifying true love or else, it begins to annoy and disgust. Thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved. Do you see what I'm getting at? Peter? Peter?

Paolo: So tell me your secret.
Jacks: What secret?
Paolo: How an American can speak like a Spaniard and dance like an Argentinean.
Jacks: I'm not American.
Paolo: No?
Jacks: Well, not technically. I was born in England. My Father was English. My Mother was Spanish. I grew up with my Mother's family in America. After my parents died.
Paolo: How old were you when you moved to America?
Jacks: Five.
Paolo: I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry.
Jacks: It's not that. It's just I don't want to be one of those awful characters out of a movie that gushes out their past while the violins play. I mean I had a bad age five. I had a terrible age five, actually. But all in all, since then, my life's been pretty blessed.

Paolo: Are you OK here?
Peter: Oh my God! Oh God!
Paolo: You don't! I... I'm so sorry!
Peter:I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry. I was just... I'm really embarrassed.
Paolo: No, no, no, listen, Peter. I really like you a lot, but...
Peter: But you don't like me in that way. Look, I know that speech. I use that speech because I actually wrote that speech...
Paolo: I'm not gay.
Peter: I didn't write that part!
Paolo: I'm straight.
Peter: Since when?
Paolo: I suppose I first noticed when I was around 8. I thought it was just a phase, you know, but eventually I had to accept the truth. I like women.

Wentworth: Well, he's good enough!
Jacks: Oh no! No, he's not good enough! Because, that man right there, the real David Williams actually exists! The real David Williams happens to be a living, breathing, on-the-market gay man!

Peter: I'm quite relieved, to be honest. At least it's over and done with. You OK?
Jacks: I'm fine. I was just up most of the night thinking...
Peter: About?
Jacks: Oh, love and other disasters.

Finlay: Are you OK?
Peter: That's him.
Finlay: Who?
Peter: That's the guy I bumped into at the Hotel!
Finlay: What?
Peter: Sorry. Excuse me, I just need to use the loo, actually. Finlay?
Finlay: Right! I'll just... Give you a hand!
Peter: I can't believe you said 'I'll give you a hand!'

Peter: Tom. Tom! It's time to get up.
Tom: What time is it?
Peter: Almost 9.
Tom: You gotta go.
Peter: Excuse me?
Tom: You gotta go. I've got some friends coming over for brunch.
Peter: Tom, you're in my apartment.

Peter:Because that way you know you can't really get hurt. Look, Paolo hasn't changed. He's still the same person. He's still the same person you know and believe in. And think is kind and smart and sweet and bloody sexy. The only thing that's changed is what might happen between you. And he can tango!

Jacks: An early departure? An early departure? What are the chances of that? If this was a movie, there wouldn't be an early departure.
Peter: If this was a movie, you'd be blonde!
Jacks: If this was a movie, you'd be famous!
Peter: That's the problem with life, it's nothing like the movies.

Jacks: Stop trying to cast your true love instead ofjust meeting him.
Peter: When I meet him, I'll know.
Jacks: I'm not so sure. Love isn't always a lightning bolt, you know? Maybe sometimes it's just a choice. Well, that's easy for you to say!
Peter: You're flying to Argentina to meet the love of your life!
Jacks: That's just it. I don't know that Paolo's the love of my life' but I've decided to give him the chance to be. Maybe true love is a decision. You know, a decision to take a chance with somebody. To give to somebody. Without worrying whether they'll give anything back. Or if they're gonna hurt you, or if they really are the one. Maybe love isn't something that happens to you. Maybe it's something you have to choose.

Berstein: 'Love and Other Disasters.' Nice title. Catchy. But it'll never fit on the marquee. How aboutjust 'Love Disasters? '
Peter: What?
Berstein: Oh...I love that Jacks. She's got that British quirkiness audiences love. 'Hello, Babies! '
Peter: Yes, but technically she speaks with an American accent because she's grown up in America so...
Berstein: Nah, it's too complicated. Let's make her English. Perfect part for Gwyneth!
Peter: Gwyneth Paltrow?
Berstein: Finest English actress of her generation! Brainstorm! Orlando Bloom as the Mexican.
Peter: Paolo's Argentinean!
Berstein: And we'll cover the American angle with Drew and Cameron.
Peter: Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz? As who?
Berstein: Playing David and Tom.
Peter: I'm sorry, you want me to get rid of the gay story line?
Berstein: I don't want you to get rid of anything! I'm just saying instead of David and Tom, we have Daisy and Tina.
Peter: I...
Berstein: Also, you gotta fiddle with that ending. We need a bigger movie moment when Jacks finally connects with Paolo.
Peter: Yes, but... Sorry, the whole point is there is no big movie moment because they both discover that true love is a process not an event.
Berstein: You know, Peter. I get it. This script is like your baby, isn't it?
Peter: Well, yes, I suppose it is...
Berstein: I understand that. Believe me, I understand that. Come here. I want to give you some advice! You gotta kill your baby! You gotta fuckin' kill your baby!
Peter: Right. Thank you. Thank you.

Peter: It's just... I don't know. I just wanted to tell the truth and somewhere along the line it got mixed up with a bunch of lies.
Jacks: Nobody goes to the movies for truth except possibly the French!
Peter: The truth is way too complicated. And unsatisfying. And hard to believe.

反正不是也经常有人找关键台词么..~~

现代伦敦城的上流社会就是通晓文学熟读经典，能轻易的联想到某时某刻某出电影里面的主演的动作神态台词，时刻拿经典电影DVD出来研习;偶尔参加慈善拍卖会或画廊展览或行为艺术展，穿着另类嬉皮的服装上台发表一篇狗屁不通的诗歌;每天准时出现在喝下午茶的咖啡厅，关心些鸡毛蒜皮的瞎事，撮合异性或同性的好事；随时准备狐朋狗友的召唤，一起拜访稀奇古怪的心理医生或看相的；周五或周六晚上无聊的时候去小酒馆喝两杯啤酒神聊海侃，有雅兴的再跳个小舞再回家；夜里激情来了就回公寓过夜，但是明儿一早会准时起床提醒枕边人回避别影响白天正常的生活圈；出入代步的绝对不能是大奔劳斯莱斯之流的古板货，要开甲壳虫MINICOOPER之类精致小巧的玩具，不然就自行车代步；为了创造更多与各国肤色的帅哥美女结识的机会，必备一到两门外语应付不时之需；每天定时穿健美裤到沙龙做头发修指甲上美容院敷脸，让代理帮忙更换次日出行的衣服套装；--- 最重要的不管自己是不是金发是不是名人飞机会不会提前起飞，潮流总是充满不真实性，我们就是不停地捕捉它。。。。。。

Love,and other disasters里一些有意思的台词，一点点抠出来保存，舍不得一笑置之而后遗忘。

1. The way to a man`s heart is through his stomach.

 英文说法似乎比中文“要绑住男人的心，就先绑住他的胃”更形象生动哦。

2. "Relationships are best measured by farting."

   " Excuse me?"

   " The stages of a relationship can be defined by farting. Stage 1 is the conspiracy of silence. This is fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste. This illusion is very quickly shatterd by that first shy "ooh,did you fart?"followed by the sheepish admission of truth. This heralds a period of deeper intimacy.A period I like to call the 'fart honeymoon' where parties find each other`s gas just the cutest thing in the world. But of course no honeymoon can last forever.And so we reach the critical fork in the fart.Either the fart lose its power to amuse and embarrass,thereby signifying true love or else,it begins to annoy and disgust,thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved..."

用“屁”来考量爱的几个阶段，很油菜也不无道理。

 

3." Love is not always a lightning bolt,but maybe just a choice, u know? Maybe sometime it`s just a choice."

   "Maybe true love is a decision.U know a decision to take a chance with sb, to give to sb,without worrying whether they`ll give anything back or if they are gonna hurt u,or if they really are the one.Maybe love isn`t sth that happens to u.Maybe it`s sth that u have to choose."

关于什么是爱情或者什么是真爱，相信爱过的人或许比没有体验过爱情的人更茫然。没有经历过，可以凭借无数电视电影还是文学作品中的描述自由想象，以此定义心中的爱情，恋爱中的人其实更会困惑，爱情的标准是什么？Ta是我的真爱么？我们这样一起就是爱情么？

于是，很多电影作品都是以探讨“何为真爱”为主题，片中男女大多不懂爱不会爱，经历一番后最终领悟。想到Love actually里关于love同样有一段经典独白。不辞辛苦抠出来分享：


　"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow airport. General opinion makes out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. Seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy but it's always there. Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, none of the phone calls from people on board were messages of hate or revenge, they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."

 

4. True love is a process,not an event.

精辟。还需要别的语言么？NO.

推荐理由：台词精美到字字珠玑。


片 名：《相思成灾》 （Love and other disasters）
导 演：阿莱克•凯西西恩
主 演：布莱特妮•墨菲、圣地亚哥•卡布瑞、马修•瑞斯
出品时间：2007年
读 家：石头花园的歌女
推荐指数：四星半



来，让我们回忆一下，上世纪5、60年代的奥黛丽•赫本是什么样？
——
栗色头发，黑眼盖，睫毛深重好似蝴蝶翼，双腿修长，赤脚穿浅口平底鞋，露出巧倩细幼的足踝。

今次这部《相思成灾》里，布莱特妮•墨菲全盘拷贝这一造型，恰恰暗合近年时尚界六零年代风潮卷土重来的趋势，遗憾的是，没有了赫本清瘦的双颊跟尖俏的下巴，立刻俗气得不行。
所以说，精致不可以被模仿，只可以被造就。
其实客观点讲，墨菲不是没有可观之处，但是嘿，谁让她的原型是奥黛丽•赫本？

墨菲饰演的杰克丝，是英国《时尚》杂志的摄影助理，成日开复古风银灰Mini Cooper在伦敦四处乱闯，虽然神经大条，却懂得在违章停车之后，从自家包中掏出一张罚单夹在雨刮器上，看时不禁要失笑，这一招古灵精怪的“苦肉计”，在车位难找的北京城，倒也不失为一则妙着。
是典型现时代女子——与前任男友仍保持肉体关系，跟Gay男好友合租，热衷罗织周遭密友的花边事业，视婚姻为儿戏，整个人无厘头得很，但仍然，该死地，渴望爱情。

你看，她仍然会在星期日午后不知第多少遍观赏《蒂凡尼早餐》，每每《月亮河》音乐渐入，杰克丝面孔便松弛下来，卸去一身无爱不摧的盔甲，她脸上有一种表情几乎称得上是温柔。
而窗外泰晤士河静静流淌，摩天轮屹立城市一角，缓缓旋动。陈奕迅那首《幸福摩天轮》怎么唱的？——天荒地老流连在摩天轮，在高处凝望世界流动，失落之处仍然会笑着哭，人间的跌宕默默迎送。真是好歌，需带着爱意来唱。

那么到底何为真爱？
它是一道闪电么？是否遇到真爱的人都会如晴天霹雳，五雷轰顶？并且爱过之后留下明明暗暗的残疾与伤口，如同原子弹爆炸后的广岛和长崎？
或者真爱可能仅仅是一个阴谋，一个资本主义的阴谋，一个由电影业、出版业和音乐界联合编造的谎言，整件事情，这个概念其实从来就没有存在过？

整部电影拍得十足机智，其中几番乱点鸳鸯谱真真要把人笑翻在当场。
其中有一个桥段，心理学家将恋情比喻为放屁，简直又猥琐又精准。
而当杰克丝不无神往地说起，“也许有天早晨起来，我会觉得我恋爱了，你知道，兴奋、眩晕，还有点恶心”，她的Gay男好友彼得立即泼之以冷水，“不，那不是恋爱，那是流感。”

当然，电影到底是电影，再无厘头的不靠谱女青年到最后也一样会有为她度身订制的完美男士为伴
——
拉丁血统，黑发，深暗的黑眼睛，豹一般漂亮的身型，真诚，善良，有才华。
他甚至会跳探戈！
那段探戈不过才只有一分钟，但其热辣缠绵直叫人想起同样以探戈舞段著称的《真实的谎言》以及《闻香识女人》。
啧啧啧，电光幻影，每秒钟二十四格的幻觉。

还是说回到奥黛丽•赫本。
其实不可追想的，纽约第五大道上，那个穿着优雅小黑裙一边啃面包一边在蒂凡尼橱窗前流连不去的女子早已消失于时间，而这个形象固然不可磨灭，却也不可复制——造成她的那个时代已经彻底过去了。
我们的时代偏爱沙哑的性感，恰到好处的粗糙和似是而非的甜美，一切与赫本的时代是那么不同，但爱情，爱情是我们永恒的软肋，四海列国千秋万载，莫不如是。

来吧，向奥黛丽•赫本致敬，如果不能以与她同等的美貌，那至少，以爱情。




2007-11-17

Stop trying to cast your true love instead of just meeting him.Love isn`t always a lightning bolt.Maybe sometimes it`s just a choice.Maybe true love is a decision.A decision to take a chance with somebody.To give to somebody without worring whether they`ll give anything back.Or if they`re gonna hurt you or if they really are the one.Maybe love isn`t something that happens to you.Maybe it`s something you have to choose.

尽管马修瑞斯在相思成灾里是记者彼得，穿便衣的时间多过正装，我还是偏执地认为他叫做凯文，就是那个在美剧BAS里，情感上怕受到伤害、躲在安全地带的律师凯文沃克。

这部片子，用电影末尾彼得回复戴维的话说，就是在讲一个人发现自己一直在错误的地方寻找爱情的故事。

这样的故事不值得也不会有翻看第二遍的欲望，重新翻出来，起初，不过是为了希望能在马修出场的第一个镜头里，透过洗澡间的玻璃、或者瓷砖的倒影中，偷窥到哪怕一丁点儿的马修的漏点。可惜任何角度的反射都无可挑剔，该遮着的地方一丝不露。那场1分钟不到的戏反复了足有6遍，马修背部的皮肤光滑细腻，坐在电脑前都有伸出咸猪手的冲动。这个问题上，我多么羡慕跟他同居十年的Ioan Gruffudd。

不管是在BAS还是相思成灾里，爱情都是凯文和彼得的生命线。

BAS。凯文经过第一季与Scotty反反复复的恋情，第二季初与牧师杰森的远距离马拉松之后，终于在第三季（实际上是第二季结局）与Scotty交换了婚戒。凯文是个个性敏感，过分保护自己的人。在爱情中，他的理想主义反而让自己对爱情望而却步。他怕在爱情里投入太多太多的感情而得不到对方的回应，他需要感受对方持续不断的热情反馈，一旦这股光源变得虚弱，他就手足无措。凯文期待完整的二人世界。第一不算约会的约会因为老妈的缘故推掉，凯文在影院门口看到Scotty与另一个男生一同出现，他生闷气。而那个时候他与Scotty只不过是才认识不久的、律师与证人。相对于整个家族，凯文的情况并不算糟糕。他有一个控制欲很强同时也很孤独的老妈。有一个与下属发生性关系的哥哥。有一个家庭事业一团糟的姐姐。有一个嗑药的弟弟。还有一个保守派但感情混乱的妹妹。

喜欢马修大抵也是因为他对凯文的刻画，对GAY与生俱来的敏感、怕受伤以及被动的感情观的十足把握。

查看马修的IMDB会发现他扮演过很多GAY的角色。咳咳，鉴于他与Ioan Gruffudd是青梅竹马的至交，再加上将近十年的同居生活，虽然口口声声辩解与Ioan只是好朋友，但这也足够让人YY出十万字的BL文：

一个是缺乏安全感的威尔士小男人，另一个是来自神奇四侠里的橡胶人。光想一想都让人热血喷张。

回过头来讲相思成灾里彼得的故事。彼得在饭店大堂遇见戴维，一见钟情的开始。接着一直没露面的戴维收到来自四面八方的彼得朋友的说媒。见面时彼得发现一见钟情的对象并非戴维而是其助手某某（龙套演员懒得记名字，何况丫也不讨喜）。失而复得的彼得与助手某某烛光晚餐，一夜过后他发现这个某某，既放屁打呼，又滔滔不绝地自我陶醉。一点也没有头脑里构筑的甜蜜爱情模样。于是应验了放屁爱情理论的第三阶段，屁的分歧点。

非得说它告诉了人们一个什么道理的话，大抵只能用“也许爱情并非一道闪电，也许爱情只是一个选择”来搪塞。因为后来彼得和戴维一道出了地铁站，相约去吃意大利菜了。

其实不管是不是在生活中，相遇相爱和一见钟情都是难得的事情。你在饭堂上与长相帅气的男孩对视，可能只不过是因为他刚好高出你一个头，视线停留在你一米之外的那个热辣女生的胸部上。可能你像凯文一样守护着自己的处女地保护自己不受伤害，却不会因此有哪个剧场愿意出借一名王子来解开你的自我囚禁。

爱情究竟是不是仅仅只是音乐、电影、戏剧、出版社提出的一个概念供人膜拜信仰，不得而知。也没有人会去深究计较。

毕竟在生活里，体验一把一见钟情的快感、哪怕只是一个选择的机会，就好像期待明天的股市一路飘红一样。





名词解释：

彼得：马修在《相思成灾》饰演的角色名。GAY一名。目测判断为受。
凯文：马修在《BAS》饰演的角色名。GAY一名。无法目测判断其攻受。因为伴侣Scotty有点“恐怖”，用凯文的原话说。
BAS：美剧brothers&sisters
Ioan Gruffudd：马修的多年至交。在神奇四侠里饰演橡胶人。